I’ve always wanted to be an anesthesiologist, but I knew I couldn’t do it. I went for the safer path, and I’m regretting it.
Just because I couldn’t do it the first time, doesn’t mean I can’t do it at all. I need to learn to accept that. I’ve always done everything at one shot, but I can’t do it all. We all have our weak moments. This is mine. I won’t let this be my downfall, it will be my incentive to rise. I can do this. I know I can.
I’m scared. I’m terrified. I’m sorry.
What if.
My life.
Thinking about my future is getting me nervous. I’m scared of what it might be. What if it isn’t what I planned for? What if I don’t make it? What if, then what? There won’t be anything I can do. There won’t be a chance for me to start all over. This is my life. This is my future. I have to make it right now, or my future as I planned it won’t be.
Teary eyed.
Lord, please help him understand that things do not always work out the way we expect them to, that I wanted it just as badly as he did, that it just was not meant for me, that You have a better plan for me, that I can still make it, that that was not my only option, that I live my life to make him proud. Just help him understand that I tried my best.
You’re just making everything so much harder.
"You smell good. You smell like the first time I met you."
– Dying a little inside.
I am the type of person who always had her future figured out. I always liked the fact I had it all planned out, so I know what I have to do to get there. Now, it is blurry. I HATE it.
